omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
