No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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