I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had to cum in my sink.
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