I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
