people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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