This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize