I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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