Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
