he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
