You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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