Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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