Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
