I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
