Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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