you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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