She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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