I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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