How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
