they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
