I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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