It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
