we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
