You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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