I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
