I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
