News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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