She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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