i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
