In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
