turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
