sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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