Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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