I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
