Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
