It's Friday. Sex?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
