Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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