Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
