Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
