You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
