Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
