Where is the hickey?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize