Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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