I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You work out of a Hotel?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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