i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
