The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
