we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
