fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
