doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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