Nicole vs. Life
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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