I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He passed out mid-signature
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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