is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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