THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
