I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
