I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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