I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
