I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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