I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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