I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
