We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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