i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
