How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
