Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
