I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
