I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
