brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
